The calm before the storm.
The rounds of the family are almost complete, telling people about John's (our) news. I think it is helping in coming to terms with all of this by talking. I have now done it so many times I think a certain type of numbness to the words is setting in, although numbness to the reality is far from where we are.
It is good that John is in very good spirits at the moment. He doesn't want to go into hospital but seems to understand that we need to get this thing beaten and the fact that he will have a central line installed, so he doesnt hurt from needles each time, is something he is glad of. Although I guess when it is in, he might feel differently but that is a bridge we will cross later.
The letters for our next appointments arrived yesterday, only 4 more days to wait until he gets his CT and Bone denisty scans. The waiting is a major factor now, we just want to get the treatment started and attacking this sarcoma. I need to keep telling myself that the hospital staff know what they are doing and will be starting as soon as they can, but it is hard when I look at my son and see the lump on the side of his face: the lump which will still be growing and spreading its insidious tentacles.
How to focus on the positive side ? How to take the fact that the odds are stacked in his favor and not let the nightmare rule our thoughts ?
As time progresses I suppose we will meet people who will help us with these questions. For the moment, well I guess we just need to help John to enjoy life as much as he can. try to prepare him for what is coming and to hold the tears for those private moments away from him. Sharing the concerns/worries between my wife and I, but presenting the supportive loving side to John. No doubt it will become easier as time passes.
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