Another long day at the hospital. CT and Bone scans are now done and we have a little radioactive boy !
We got to meet the registrar who will be most closely involved with John's treatment and it is good to start to get to know the people who will be involved with his treatment. It takes at takes some small bit of the uncertainty away at least.
Things have also moved forward in that tomorrow we go back for John to have his central line installed and to allow Spinal Fluid and Bone Marrow samples to be taken. Another long day but the next step forward in his treatment. This was originally due to happen on Monday but changes happen. John is not too happy about this as he had accepted that Monday was the day and he would have 1 last treatment free weekend.
As the staging and grading continues I keep being hit by the feelings of what if ? Will it have spread ? Where too ? How does this affect the prognosis ??
It is easy to keep these feelings under control in front of John, but when away from him they just creep up and tap me on my shoulder. I know my wife is feeling the same things and in some way I feel guilty in writing this from my perspective and not including hers. It isn't showing cracks in our relationship, that is strong and growing stronger with all this, but it is just how I feel I can cope.
Coming face to face with your 6 year old sons apparent lack of immortality, is something I never considered. He is my Jedi Knight, my Doctor Who, my Peter Pan, my boy who I am so proud of and so scared for.
Well, we will get tomorrow over with and next Thursday we start Chemotheraphy and hopefully the answers which we wait for.
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